bdsm vs abuse 

How to differentiate between bdsm practices and abuse?

It has been known in the past that abusers called themselves as Doms and Masters in an attempt to justify abusive practices.

Which is why terms like SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) or even VICSS (Voluntary, Informed, Consensual, Safe & Sane) came to be.

If you are not sure how bdsm clearly differs from abuse, read articles on websites such as the National Leather association (and their International Domestic Violence Project NLA IDVP).

But it always comes down to the very basic consent: either consent is given (and regularly confirmed), or it is not given.

nla-international.com/public--

Follow

bdsm vs abuse 

@Lord_Fine another key differentiator is whether consent is complete and *retractable*. A good sign of abuse is if there’s pressure (or worse) not to retract consent once given

bdsm vs abuse 

@ropetopus
There are things like CIS (complete irrevocable submission) though
@Lord_Fine

bdsm vs abuse 

@_greywolf @ropetopus @Lord_Fine very rare and even so I think TPE relationships need to have the ability to end. The key factor is that both sides do not want to, not that they are unable to leave.

bdsm vs abuse 

@_greywolf @ropetopus CIS is indeed one of the more recent definitions I've seen coming up. In a German article they used CIS to denominate the transition from EPE and TPE to meta-consent and social isolation.

CIS is when a person -- doesn't even have to happen in a bdsm context -- is led to believe that their life is basically so screwed up that they have no other choice but to sign and hand over their life, bank account, property, etc to a 3rd party. So CIS is the stage between a power exchange and the beginning of abuse.

Guess what: it is not irrevocable. Nothing is. Not even CIS!

bdsm vs abuse 

@_greywolf in healthy CIs or similar relationships, there's still an out. You can end the relationship, etc. — the irrevocability is a fantasy with some limits

bdsm vs abuse 

@ropetopus ookamich posted a French graphic (from a French group called Salopettes) about consent which I translated yesterday and plan to turn into a graphic later this week.

Their text about consent goes like this:

Consent
... must be given completely voluntary: being forced to consent following insistant whining, pressure, emotional blackmail and duress, is not consenting!

... must be obvious and stated as such: absence of refusal is not consent. When in doubt: ask!

... must be given by someone fully capable of consenting: someone seriously drunk, tired, inconcious or drugged can never be consenting!

... must be specific: consent is to be given at each stage and repeated every time.

... can be withdrawn at any moment, even during sexual activity!

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Kinky Business

kinky.business is a Mastodon instance for the kink community. Safe, sane, consensual.