mental health ~ 

my psychiatrist says that because i had social anxiety disorder for so long, i never really learned how to tell irrational worries from rational worries, which means that my anti-anxiety medication, while effective and helpful, has damped all my worries, and i'm still having to "manually" sort which are rational and which are irrational.

HOW to do this is something i'm constantly trying to learn.

when i get emotional, i'm less likely to even take the time to stop and try to make sure i take stock of that, and that makes me more impulsive, often acting on my first thought without stopping to think.

it's like I have the choice to live a life of crippling anxiety or a life of chaotic impulsiveness, and i kinda feel like i hate those choices both equally for different reasons.

mental health - 

brain: sure seemed like everything was easier before these drugs.

me: i was constantly anxious to the point of terror, and i often disassociated in extreme situations. it was only "easy" because i got good at playacting at confidence.

brain: yeah, but it was still easier, wasn't it? Pretending to be confident instead of having to stand on your own ego? Disassociating instead of actually having to mentally deal with extreme stress?

me: yeah, but i was miserable.

brain: you're miserable NOW too

me: ...

Show thread
Follow

mental health - 

@Garrison *gently pats your head* I know it doesn't solve the problem, I just feel for you. That's a really hard position to be in and I struggled with similar medication issues for a long time. *hugs you again*

mental health - 

@squeedoodle i can take solace in knowing that i have a good therapist and a good psychiatrist, and i know they're invested in helping me. i often feel pessimistic about what can be done, but i know i'm in the best position i could be.

mental health - 

@Garrison That pessimism is a perfect example of your brain attacking you. I'm glad you've got your support system. @squeedoodle

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Kinky Business

kinky.business is a Mastodon instance for the kink community. Safe, sane, consensual.