BDSM 

Es klingt nach einem Wettkampf

Welche Sub mehr kann
Welcher Dom seine Sub mehr zwingen kann
Welcher Bottom Mehr einstecken kann

@ThoughtsDom Sometimes it is like that, sometimes not. And don't believe everything you read on forums: people (both Doms/mes & subs sometimes feel a need to "brag" about things to strangers and friends alike).

For me it's quite simple: where lies the focus?
Are you a couple of lovers?
If you are, than that is your primary focus - the D/s stuff comes in a 2nd place.
If you aren't, then the D/s takes precedence. But every D/s (including poly!) couple I know have their own private definition about how it works, what they can and cannot do (and how to behave to the outside world).

But whatever the case: it should be fun for both :exclamation_mark_red:

@Lord_Fine

I concur with you, the last point is the most important.

For context:

There was a discussion on twitter triggers by a sub writing about her dom forcing her to be bisexual while she finds female bodys more or less disgusting

@ThoughtsDom I like to keep things simple: if somebody is being forced to do things against her or his will, then it's not bdsm but simple abuse. 😠

Yes: I know some subs consent to being "forced" to do things. But then that is something that was negotiated. But if someone complains about being forced to do stuff, it becomes abuse. If that person complained to the abuser but is forced to repeat what the complain was about, then it becomes serial abuse.

@Lord_Fine
The problem is, we don't know what was negotiated.

And things still sound unhealthy from the outside so it's not that simple

@ThoughtsDom Always take an accusation seriously!

If you don't, it means you're letting a possible abuse victim risking further abuse. Really it is that **simple**.

Let the authorities sort out whether the accusation is true or not!

As for the sub: get away from that Dom/me and get help (or get on with your life).

(yeah, I know, sometimes there are also other (emotional) motives at play, such as love, jealousy (not a real emotion!), revenge etc at play. All the stuff that make us human. Yet if the abuse is real, then it remains abuse!)

@Lord_Fine
The problem is: there was no accusation

If there is accusation, sure get the cops /rather get the victim to the cops, but should we get the cops if we think its unhealthy?
Because with that as an argument "vanilla" people call the cops on everyone of us

I fear this is a grey area

@ThoughtsDom So either it's someone trolling someone else on the internet, or a grievance, or a ranting about something, or is it something else?

Did anyone take the time to talk seriously with that sub to find out whether or not the alleged abuse did happen? And if so to offer support?

As for how we judge a situation and deem it to be (un)healthy or not: every country has a legal framework to determine those things. Some may be more "morally oppressive" than others.

But I think we are digressing from the original point, which was whether it was consensual or not. Because consent makes all ***the difference*** between bdsm and abuse...

@Lord_Fine

"The hardest thing is he registered me at $page as bisexual and I don't like women, but I will endure it for him" (more or less)

People did talk to her, but she "wants to be a good sub" etc

So it feels unhealthy

Sweden for example : every BDSM is punishable not matter consent

Yes it does

@ThoughtsDom So it will last as long as it will last... (and anyone can register anyone else on most of those page registers, so that's irrelevant).

Sweden??? Quote from Wikipedia: "Norway's legal system has likewise taken a similar position [as Sweden], that safe and consensual BDSM play should not be subject to criminal prosecution. This parallels the stance of the mental health professions in the Nordic countries, which have removed sadomasochism from their respective lists of psychiatric illnesses."

This is completely in line with the Scandinavian social liberal views about sexuality and sexual diversity...

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@Lord_Fine
I know from a health professional they are required to report anything looking like abuse, eg bruises to the police

@ThoughtsDom Nuance: they are required to report anything that they suspect as abuse.
If involved parties can offer an acceptable explanation for the bruises and convince the doctor or nurse that it was consensual and not abusive, then the doctor/nurse can decide for themselves whether or not to report it as abuse.

The rationale behind this being that abuse has to be prevented whenever possible. And as I pointed out: consensual bdsm is not a prosecuted in the Scandinavian countries.

@Lord_Fine

It might be on the paper but I understand the real policy to be report or you might be neglecting

@ThoughtsDom I can not agree or disagree with you about this without doing some more research and contacting some Swedes about this...

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