slavey “ruin” smalls @[email protected]

I’m taking a sabbatical to get my shit together

I’m taking a sabbatical to get my shit together

A bitch is BETTER OFF

God, I just wanted to cry myself to sleep in private

I’m not the first baby slave to lose their Master and feel like they can’t go on but I hope I’m the last, sweet fellow baby slaves I love u

Where’s a tempM when a bitch needs one

A lot of art coming from this experience, lemme tell ya

Y’all I woke up and he’d PULLED THE BED OUT HIMSELF AFTER I LEFT.
I am so hurt and angry. The only reason he’s still here is so that he doesn’t have a bad mark on his goddamn job history. I want him outta my fucking house.
If he thinks I’m keeping these collars he’s out of his fucking gourd. This is so terrible.
He says he’s “holding it together” and wants me to do the same. Feels more like he’s shut the fuck down and doesn’t wanna make space for my hurt.

After a while he got up to check the time. “It’s 4:46 AM. What do you wanna do?”
I was still crying. I couldn’t say anything, so I didn’t. I couldn’t stand up to walk, so I crawled into what is now my room, and closed the door behind me. I crawled the rest of the way to the bathroom, shut that door and curled up on the floor. Sobbed, on and off, for half an hour or so.
I’m in bed now. I have to try to sleep. My child has therapy tomorrow and I have to hold together for them

So I woke him up; told him I couldn’t sleep. We got into a fight because he refused to let me pull the couch-bed out for him, “it’s too loud”. Then I tried to give him the bed, because “I’ll be up crying, and the little one is in there.” It’s four in the morning. He doesn’t want to argue. The bed belongs to me. I told him, “everything belongs to you.” He said “you are released.”
Just like that. 4AM, on the floor of the living room, sobbing, broken... released against my will.

I have officially been released.
I woke up next to him; he wasn’t home yet when I’d fallen asleep, but there he was. As far away as possible in his sleep. I bargained with myself and his unconscious for a while, trying different positions until I accepted I couldn’t sleep knowing he was there, after the conversation we’d had a few hours earlier. He made clear that it’s over, he’s going back home, our relationship is toxic. Wants us both to focus on healing ourselves.

Giving up on my own suffering to be happy and build something real sounds good, actually.

Roses are red
Trauma is sticky
I’ve been using sex
To avoid feeling icky

Yeah no I can’t do this. I’m gonna talk to Him tonight and we’ll figure it out. This ain’t right y’all, I love this man.

For everyone asking, I am still alive and that’s the best I’ve got rn

The five stages of queef

I’m really so fucking heartbroken. This was my first Master. He meant everything to me, I did everything I could for Him and it still wasn’t enough. I feel so fucking fucked up and terrible

About to get FUCKED up and forget about my ppprrrrooobbblllleeeemmmsss